Lipstick

You know how women say that if you wear lipstick, it'll make you feel better.  Like makeup is the instant cure all for whatever ails you.  As if putting some whale blubber with food coloring on my lips will make my puffy eyes, big hips, and tired feet disappear.  How can lipstick make everything better when your hair looks like this:

and you feel like this:

?

Now if by putting on lipstick, you really mean sitting in the bathtub with a glass of wine, some music playing, and a candle lit-- ALONE, then I'm all in favor of putting on lipstick.  However, it's not gonna happen in my house.  Not until May at the earliest... Until then, I'll settle for a five minute shower where someone continuously comes knocking on the shower door and yanks it open to say 'Hello!'  Until May, I'll mop up water from the kids' baths where they've discovered it's fun to shower the momma and daddy with cup fulls of water while we're washing off the other child.  I'll keep painting my nails in the bathroom with the door locked because last time I didn't, I eneded up with paint on the carpet and all ten toes (not the nails) because some little girl puts her fingers in the way and tries running off with the bottle.  I'll keep watching my back for flying golf balls, because a little boy has found his calling in life-- unfortunately it's in the house where he uses a real golf club and drills a real golf ball toward my shins.  Until May, I'll try to keep my 11 year old from growing up too fast.  She's wearing pink lip gloss now and it breaks my heart.  Until May, I'll try to keep my wits about me so that I don't end up in a straight jacket.  Screw the lipstick... I need Zoloft...